midnight ramblings.

literally, it is in the midnight hour, I can't sleep and I am slightly annoyed (not a good combination to get myself asleep..) and yes I still have another day tomorrow of this stretch of work.

I was reading back on this post and am feeling a little bit of a downer, and failure. It's already a quarter through 2015, and halfway through March and I have officially accomplished one thing on that list "work hard". So maybe tomorrow I can start to work on that?

Lately I feel as though I work and people go on vacation around, get engaged, have babies, live a fulfilling life and I work hard at work. Then I go home snuggle with my kittens, procrastinate on anything productive and then I go back to work to work hard at work. It's really a ruthless cycle that has to end at some point, and I know I am capable of more because I have done more than this in the past, I just don't know why it's so hard for me and this almost 25 year old body. Where at one point in this beautifully crazy messy life I believed it would be perfect to be 25 years old, married, working a job I love, and take vacations with my hubby and not worry about kids quite yet...now to achieve that at this point would be nothing short of a miracle.

Speaking of my cats they must feel my uneasiness today because they are running around like crazy, fighting, jumping,...anyways. Who knows.

Ultimately, I am feeling a little restless, and not feeling quite 100% in any part of my life which makes me crave more than anything right now to feel at least an itty bit settled in one part of my life. As a result I believe I am more restless and drained and unable to really solve any of (my) worlds problems at the moment. not good, not good at all.

So as I (try) to fall asleep tonight I feel inclined to pray, pray for something big to happen in my life, because the man upstairs has a way better plan than anything I can come up with, or so I believe.

sweet dreams. if you're working a night shift, I hope your shift treats you swimmingly!