Dear College Graduate.

Memorial day weekend my younger (middle) brother Ryley graduated with his bachelors of arts, he is finishing up 2 classes and a student-teaching semester to officially double-major in health & physical education with a minor in coaching. He hopes to teach urban kids the benefits of a healthy lifestyle as a PE teacher as well as hold a coaching position; ideally in the school he is teaching at. This week marks two years since graduating myself with my bachelor of science in nursing and got me thinking, what are some things I wish someone told me, or things I was willing to hear and apply in my own life when I first graduated from undergrad. These are somethings I came up with. 

1. Have a savings account and save as much as you can, because someday you'll really can't afford not to. I know, everyone says this, but it's true. It took me eight months to get a job that was full-time work using my undergrad degree, and believe you and me it was expensive. My first loan payment was due on Christmas, and the 6 months of deferred payments went by fast. I also purchased my first car in that time, and quickly needed to replace my laptop from college (5 years is no match for that not so great Dell). Costs come up and living pay check to pay check makes it hard for wiggle room, start small but start somewhere, your future self will thank you.

2. Find a hobby. & to be honest I am still working on this. I lived most of my life in a very structured fashion, I always swam year around for my school or club team, I worked multiple jobs, and to be honest there was never time for a hobby beyond that. Having a hobby is really important and aides in good self-care and work/ life balance. I am starting to enjoy cooking, gardening in the summer, and organizing. I would really like to find something that doesn't cost extra but is something I could do at anytime during the day.

3. Find physical activity you enjoy. Again, if I was honest I am still struggling and trying to find something that "fits". My entire life in my family we had to choose one physical activity to participate in year around I for many reasons settled on swimming; but I had participated in track, tennis, softball, gymnastics for many seasons before that. It's a if I am a young kid again trying to figure something out that fits my lifestyle and schedule and I just haven't come to find that yet. I truly wish I was a runner, it's easy, free, and everyone does it - plus I live in a city of lakes, but I just hate it, I can't get into it. I really love yoga, but I am terrible at doing it on my own and feel like I need a lot of direction, and lack independent motivation to commit both financially and fitting it into my everyday routine.

4. Learning to thrive in change. If there is one thing that is positively unavoidable in life, it is change. We live in a world that is constantly moving and changing to the next biggest and best thing. This will affect both your personal and professional life, and if you cannot navigate and develop ways to cope and excel with change in your life, you will be left in the dust. If you can learn to succeed and excel in change you will always stand out from your peers and it will benefit you greatly.

5. Moderation. Quality over quantity, needs versus wants. You could read this many different ways, but it is oh so important to find balance in your life. Balance in your finances, social life, professional life, goals, and environment. Life is lived better when you can find a good balance of splurges and savings. When you're finally on your own you are responsible for all of life throws at you, if you have room for a little margin it will benefit you, and really help survive the unexpected.

6. Learn to unplug. This can mean many things for many people, maybe you need to learn to literally unplug from technology and social media, maybe that means to take independent time alone to self-evaluate and meditate, taking time for family, for me that is learning how to take time off from work. Up until this week every "PTO" day I took I had picked up extra shifts at the hospital or extra shifts at the pool as a lifeguard, and that completely defeats the purpose of using scheduled vacation time. My new rule is if I use PTO time from the hospital I am not allowed to pick up extra work shifts anywhere. It's scary and is something I never realized how much I did to fill time and space in my past. I am at risk for burning out as a nurse and it is essential I can work for many years to come. Taking time away from your workplace is invaluable and makes you a better worker when you are at work.           

2015||

Comparison is the thief of joy, why is it so hard to ignore the inner urge to compare oneself to another? (or maybe it's just me). I had a nice long coffee break this afternoon with a college roommate of mine and I am so glad I did. It's nice to have people that you can drift away from and swing back to as time and space allows. I need more of that. I need more intentional time in my life for that, and for people that were and should be very important in my life. Then maybe there would be a little less time for comparison. Last year as mentioned in previous post was filled with change, and not much room for anything else. This year I want it to be different. In the spirit of "new years resolutions" and January not being completely over here's a few things I've been thinking of for 2015.

Turn 25
Become a member of Oncology Nursing Society
Become a member of my local co-op
Pass my OCN exam for nursing
Spend more time outside
Budget my money to things that matter
Be present in the moment, take time off for people and events that matter
Work hard
Furnish my apartment to a home
Cook more food from home, eat out less
Write more
Be more active in a church community
Volunteer at a place that is important to me
Save more money
Donate more money
Find a routine

Those are just a few things floating around in that brain of mine. Ultimately I want to become more intentional about the way I spend my time, money, energy, and invest in things that matter most. Last year it was so easy to just go through the motions, and "show-up". This year I want to be more and do more. It's terrifying to write it out and project it to the world, because there is risk of failure and of regret. It's terrifying but important to find things that matter and put my mind to them, to become the fullest me I can be. Maybe that's cheesy, maybe it's wishful thinking. That's what is in my heart for the year, this year I turn 25 and continue to venture further into not-so-young-adulthood. 

2 0 1 4. hello 2 0 1 5.

       

 

       

   

 

 

       

 

 

 

 

 

     

 C H A N G E.

There I said it, if I was to choose one word to describe the last year of my life in 2 0 1 4, it would be CHANGE. Change for the good, bad, and to be honest, sometimes the ugly. My parents did something awesome while raising me in my younger years, they did not shy away from allowing us kids to be aware of change that happened growing up, you'd have to ask them if it was intentional or not. As a result, I always thought I was pretty good at handling, growing, and sometimes even thriving in change. This strength allows me to do well to in nursing/ health care field which will never stop changing. Then 2014 reared its ugly head and it hit me like a ton of bricks and it challenged everything I thought I was good at.

So here I am, writing a blog post at the end of the year looking back and I am exhausted. It makes it difficult to find myself looking forward to what 2015 has to offer. I have tried slowly over the past few weeks to start to warm up to the idea of a new year, a new start, and doing my best to move forward. I was talking to my mom a little while back and told her that I never would have guessed what a gift it was to start my first nursing job out of undergrad so close to the start of the new year, it truly is allowing me to start 2015 new and fresh and go with the seasons of work once again, and that definitely trickles into my personal life. 1 year into adulthood and I get to start new in the coming year, that starts to seem more motivating.

My highlights from the past year include, but aren't limited to starting my first nursing job after undergrad, moving into my own apartment, adopting my two cats Bruce (2 years old) & Chloe (5 years old), watching one of my friends little babes turn into a toddler, watching friends thrive in their new careers jump starting into wherever they will "end up", celebrating David and I's one year anniversary of dating. It's interesting because I never thought I was ready for any of this, growing up, being on my own, I am still nervous and feeling a bit unprepared as time continues to march forward.

As I look forward to 2 0 1 5 which started with a nasty bout of food poisoning at 3 o'clock this morning (YAY!) Happy New Year! I pray that I can find time to be more intentional, invest in communities and life around me that will allow me to grow and develop into the woman I am meant to be. I have practical goals such as finally being able to host a family dinner at my apartment around a dining room table before Zach leaves for college, have a couch where more than 2 people can sit in my cozy living room, remain on a budget. I look forward to the high school graduation and start of undergrad of my youngest brother. I am so excited to see what the next year has to offer for Ryley after his years at Luther. I am thrilled I got time off and can watch both brothers participate in their final swim meets of their lives. All of these things and more. I am planning on my 25th year, the year 2 0 1 5 to be a good one, and plan to live it fully present and with all of myself. Sorry for the not so high-tech photo collage above and photo dump from the year, if you've read any of my posts recently there has not been any photos...making up for lost time?

Cheers! 2015 ready or not, here I come. 

working weekends.

I admit, I have mixed feelings when it comes to the topic of working on the weekend.

There's one part of me that wants to tell myself (and everyone else who is complaining!), to get over it. There are people who are sick every day of the year. I am a nurse. I signed up to work a in a career and employed by a place that is open 24 hours a day,  7 days a week, 365 days a year. If I did not want to work on the weekend (or holidays) then I chose the wrong career path and should go find another job.

The other part of me envies the idea that people have the weekends off, with a "normal" schedule, finding some remnants of a routine between their professional life and personal life. I envy the nurses who have the luxury of working every third weekend instead of every other, or those who work 12-hour shifts and get more days off between. Truth be told the times I find myself the most frustrated is at 0200 AM on a Friday night the weekend I am working. The reality is that I could very well not be doing anything different with myself other than laying in bed, laptop open, cats snuggled next to me. But the thief of joy is comparison.

My hope for tonight, and for the rest of my nursing career is that I find peace on the weekends, find joy and purpose in what I do; not to focus on what I am "missing out" on. 

falling into place. (well sort of)

As the fall season will only be around for a few more fleeting weeks, I am finding myself trying to find a routine and rhythm in living on my own, buying groceries, cooking dinner, budgeting, having a life outside of work. Some weeks it is easier, some days it's harder. I take it as it comes. I haven't had a manicure in a few months and haven't had a pedicure in what feels at least 6. When working in scrubs 80% of your life it is truly a blessing to be able to put on clothes that I want to wear, that are cute, and fit the season.

It truly is the little things. My apartment space is feeling about 60% complete, but 100% liveable. I do not have a couch or a dining room table, my full length mirror has not been put into the wall, I still need to put up black-out drapes in my bedroom (off shift nursing I tell ya), I still need to buy utensils or bake ware in order to cook a full meal,  I still don't have flour/ sugar/ to make cookies if I wanted to. I sometimes wish my TV was bigger, and that there wasn't what seems to be a nest of crickets living in my basement. I am happy though. I am proud for as far as I come since graduating from college, and look forward to what is to come.

As my facebook and instagram news feed starts to turn into engagement rings, home ownership, and birth announcements. I am learning to live into what my life is right now, and trust the process. Slow down and learn to enjoy the now.

Now over the next few days my to-do list is very grown up and has taken a life of it's own, I will try to avoid having to turn on the heat for just a little bit longer. I mean, I am a Minnesotan girl at heart, right?!

new normal | | finding routine in transition

Sorry for the iPhone pano this is my kitchen "before" I moved anything in.

Today is the day, I go back to work - and because I don't have large amounts of PTO saved up (I'm only 8 months into my current job) I will be working the next 9 consecutive days in a row to make up for having the last 9 days off. I jokingly texted my friend saying back to work - hopefully I didn't forget how to be a nurse! In all seriousness it was entirely beneficial and came at a perfect time to take some days off. It allowed me to fully move into my house and find spots for everything, as well as make way too many trips to Target in order to get this place into working order. It's entirely stressful starting off on your own knowing all the money spent is coming from my bank account and will need to be held accordingly to budget. It's really been a good experience overall and I truly have the most awesome friends and family that helped me move, transition and feel at home in the new space. While I continue to figure out this whole "homemaking" thing out I hope that I can start to find balance and routine. I plan on trying to cook my own meals - eating all the "food groups".

Part of my internal struggle is trying to hold true to my values and goals of living simply, with the mantra "quality over quantity", but also knowing it's okay to wait for somethings and my apartment is a continued work in progress. I continue to remind myself that as I live in this space I will begin to figure out what works for me and what is necessary. I plan to continue to sort and purge quarterly and make sure I keep with the essentials. The biggest bonus of my new place that I didn't anticipate is that my apartment is within walking distance of my brothers school, so he can come over whenever he would like and hang out between activities or just say hi. I am so thankful for this because he's a senior in high school and I am anticipating that he won't be in the same state as me for college - and I want to soak up all the "lasts" as I can while he's still here, just as I did with my other brother. Maybe sometime in the near future I will make a post about moving and the best and worst things I did in the process, also maybe hints on when to splurge and when to save around this place. You can also follow me on instagram with the hashtag #Apartment1forone

In keeping with the theme of crappy iPhone pictures:

I am standing in the "dining room" when taking this photograph, left door is my itty bitty bedroom, then the kitchen, bathroom, and the main large closet, behind me is the living room area. Voila, that's my space!

on grow(ing)-up.

I don't have the newest trendy wardrobe, thigh gap, or a walk in closet. I don't have sponsors that supplement my clothing, home decor, and I don't receive any money from my blog to add to my adequate, although, modest income as a new nurse. I am not married. I do not have children. I have a passion and calling for nursing, love, and justice. I have a desire and need for independence. I am learning how to budget, save, and make ends meet while living in a way that is promotes simplicity, quality over quantity, and allows margin in life for adventure and the pursuit of living a fulfilling life.

What I have been trying to focus my energy and effort in is eliminating unnecessary distraction, practicing high work ethic, slow to speak - quick to listen, not falling prey to jealousy, being an authentic & genuine self to everyone I meet, giving it my best. Life is hard, messy, and all sorts of challenging, but I am trying to live intentionally, and purposefully into what the call is for my life.

The things I am wrestling most with right now is work/ life balance, being physically healthy, finding room for self-respect & grace, making margin. I hate working out, it's easier to go out to eat then make a meal, I rather spend time alone than try making new friends or build community around me, and internalizing difficult feelings or situations is the easiest way for me to deal with it.

All of these realities have been the most difficult for me to deal with post-college-graduation. Work is challenging but in an exciting and invigorating way, but finding a sense of balance and routine is the most difficult for me right now. I am trying to be honest and work a little bit at a time  to figure it out, but one things for certain is there is no manual on how to be a "grownup".                 

1-Year Anniversary|| NCLEX

July 5th, 2013||
I woke up anxious knowing I had to wait an extra day to find out the results of my exam because of the holiday (thanks a lot United States!). I rolled over in my bed in the hotel and logged into the website...not to mention all my passwords were saved I don't know how many times from checking for results for the past 24 hours, and there it was I passed my NCLEX - RN exam, on the first time.  |see last years post here|

Fast forward, one year later, to July 5th 2014. Officially 6 months under my belt at my first post-graduation job at July 6th, and feeling fairly independent in my practice. Nursing is a strike of balance, balance on the job and off. It is a part of the career I didn't anticipate would hit me as hard as it has. The fast paced job during work and transitioning to home life and having any semblance of a life...well I'm not so good at. Also coming from a person that requires 8 hours of sleep every night doesn't help either.

Last year I had to take my exam up in Duluth which was okay with me, mostly because my family has spent many years up in Duluth for the July 4th celebrations. Having my exam up there on the 3rd just made for a good excuse that following my exam the remainder of my family met my mom and I for the remaining holiday weekend. This year I was lucky enough to have July 4th as my holiday off, so my parents and I went down to Red Wing, MN to get out of the city and break from routine. I appreciated the time with my parents, time away, and a bit of just quiet space from work & home life.  

 

 We arrived in Red Wing on Thursday, and spent the evening walking around downtown, and relaxing. The next morning we decided to take a hike up Barns Bluff that has a view over the Mississippi and the town of Red Wing, it was worth the climb. 

 

 

 

....apparently we took a trail that was "closed"...if you knew how much of a rule follower my mom was you'd understand why this photo is quite funny!

Of course, a delayed post, but decided it was worth it anyway. I find it important to celebrate the mile stones in life, no matter how big or small. As I posted a selfie when I was back at work on the 5th of July on instagram, "if only I knew then what I do now".  Keep in perspective the journey and where I've come from.

all things housing || & young adulthood

For those of you who have been following along on my instagram feed, you probably have noticed I have been dropping hints of my apartment search. Even with what I alluded to on there it did not demonstrate how much time over the last 6 months I have been perusing the wonders of the internet to look for apartments in areas that I wanted to live. It became very obvious that if I wanted to find my own place and move out before winter I would have to start looking more seriously starting in June. I also had decided if I didn't move out of my family's lovely abode by September 1st I would halt my searches until next spring (moving in Minnesota winters is not a pretty site). Then I ran across this posting on PadMapper app and decided to check it out.

I knew that I wouldn't apply for anywhere that I couldn't picture myself living in for at least two years, and the previous day I saw a doozy of an apartment so I wasn't feeling too optimistic. Though I liked the landlords sense of humor when it said, "Notes: the exterior has crappy 1950s brown siding --not fixing this aesthetic snafu is what keeps the rent reasonable; the bedroom is too small for a king bed, and is very tight for a queen -- standard double fits fine."

Needless to say I set up an appointment and went to see the place and the moment I walked in the door I fell in love, I do say that the current tenant's sense of style and organization helped sell the place too,..so I definitely have a lot to live up to in this space. To make an even longer story short - I lucked out and was better than the original application and out-wowed 4 other applicants and was chosen! WooHoo. So officially my lease starts September 1st, 2014 - today I signed my first lease and put in a security deposit (yowza!).

So needless to say I am scared out of my mind, excited to live completely 100% on my own, and nervous that I can figure everything out. But needless to say this is another large goal that I had for myself to get to cross off my list of things I want to do before I "settle-down" list. So the next two months before moving in will be spent really being honest and reigning in on my budget/ finances. Saving as much money as possible. & starting to really think quality over quantity, but more on that later.

So thank you for everyone who has made yet another transition in my life possible, thank you for the love, support, recommendations, and being willing to vouch for me to my future landlord, I really appreciate it and look forward to what the coming months have to offer.

back of the house. off-street parking included in my rent!

(And if anyone has any recommendations in the twin-cities area of where to purchase quality housing stuff including but not limited to microwave, couch, black-out curtains, shower curtain,...etc. please let me know, also I am willing to pay for lightly-used items as well if you have any you would want to sell me, but I am trying to look for necessary/ quality/ items not just stuff to fill the space).         

real talk || growing up || average

Well somewhere in life you realize that no matter if you are young or old, rich or poor, American or not I have some how come to the conclusion that the human experience and living life is hard. Now with that being said, I do not neglect to realize that I live a life privileged compared to most of the world and don't take one ounce of that for granted. But looking at my life right now, and where I thought I would be in June of 2014, one year post-college graduation, can't say I don't find myself a little disappointed and frustrated.

I started writing this a week ago, then I stopped, and assumed it would never get written, and my blog would come across as neglected for another week standing. Then I read Hanna's post {here}. Her and her husband are in the first year of marriage, and what the world tells you is "newly wed bliss", and they adventure around California, honeymooned to Ireland, and are now expecting their first child, all of is so exciting. I knew her back when she lived in Minnesota for a week long intensive leadership camp we went to in the boundary waters canoe area in northern Minnesota, the week was when most of us were 16 year olds, young, spunky, and searching for adventure during summer vacation. It's fun to reconnect with people online and see where they are going and how life takes them there. Certainly Hanna is living a life God had planned for her and that is so neat to see! Regardless, this post stopped me in my tracks for a few reasons, but mostly because it provided a perspective that maybe I was missing.

Life is hard, difficult circumstances arise, and it doesn't always go as planned or anticipated. Also, it is filled with the mundane and normal, and it is easy as I spend more time than I like to admit on the internet to feel like my life is inadequate, uninteresting, and not going anywhere fast. The truth is, even if that may be the case, is that everyone's lives are filled with the normal/ average/ expected.

It is really easy for me to get stuck on the fact that it is summertime in the city (my favorite time of the year), and I am working an evening/ night rotation that takes me inside and feeling sorry for myself. This week I am going to try my best to see that even though I am sleeping the sunny days away (that seem to only happen on my days I work - thanks MN rain), that I am in a career I love, taking care of the best patients I could ask for (most of the time ;), and with pretty awesome coworkers, and maybe, just maybe that will help change my perspective.  And remind myself if Hanna can feel like life, "can seem a little mediocre at times but it’s real life" with an 8am - 5pm job...then I ought to see that there's no way to escape it completely.

She ends her post with this, "be thankful for the middles in your life and try to see them as a blessing—shifting your perspective can change everything." - Hanna Way

Thanks Hanna for your perspective. Also if you're in need for good blog reads Hanna and her husband have a very authentic, genuine heart and write at the way family blog dot com 

young adulthood. officially a |20' something|

source unknown - found on pinterest.

It has been one-year this week since my nursing pinning ceremony, graduation from undergrad, completion of my "extended childhood"; and officially one year since I started navigating the turbulent waters of entering young-adulthood. To be honest, I thought I would be a lot "father along" into my declaration of independence as an independent young adult, but this week I am trying to give myself space for grace and a bit of nostalgia looking back at where I began, the past year has taken me, and all that is to come. Things that I was always aware of but have affected more of my immediate existence since I've graduated from college is life is expensive, not fair, and at times very complicated. I feel though if I continuously dwell on the "hardships" it's easy to forget to look at the beauty, happiness, and greatness that life has to offer. I am officially 24, the same age as my mom was when she married my dad, and I do believe I have a lot to look forward to.

I am so incredibly grateful for a job within my career field that I love and continue to be challenged and grow everyday. A job that is incredibly difficult, challenging, and draining at times, but also that comes with true fulfillment and reward from and for my patients.  

I am blessed and continue to be impressed by how supportive and loving my parents are through this time of in between, transition, and limbo.

I continue to take on new challenges and risks that I even surprise myself by.

I hope and strive to provide support and love to the people around me that mean so much.

& ultimately I am trying desperately to live with some fiscal responsibility, intentionality with my lifestyle choices, but also live in the moment, and learn to say, "yes" even if it isn't always the "wisest" choice. If I've learned anything in the past year is that taking risks aren't always going to end in disaster, yet choosing the risks with some thought process usually assists in a good outcome.

These are my thoughts at the moment, today has been a particularly difficult day, the kind that slaps you in the face with a reality check that I didn't really want to see. So for now I am taking life one choice, one moment at a time.

Confessions of a workaholic.

So this post may come turn out to be a nicely articulated piece I'll appreciate later in life, however, it also has the potential for disaster. So read if you dare..this one even has pictures!

I am a 20-something. female. first career-job out of undergrad. licensed and practicing registered nurse. living at my parents house. 7 months into a new relationship. & a workaholic. 

I have been employed through an employer where I had to fill out a W-2 form, and receiving a pay check every two weeks (minus a few family vacations), since the age of 14. In high school my parents covered the basic expenses, but anything "fun" or extra I wanted to do came out of my own personal budget.

Photo Credit: My aunt Janet (me & my uncle talking while at work) - stolen from facebook of course. Circa 2007.

Then college came along and in the summers I worked full-time at a pool lifeguarding, eventually being the one in charge 40 hours a week (at least), plus working a second job as I could to help pay for college. During the school year I worked on campus, I worked at the YWCA that I had a job at since I was 17, and then my senior year of college I had three jobs throughout the school year. Yikes! This is serious. You know what's more serious is that this is not an uncommon story around my friends, and that's both those who had both private school and public school experiences.

 

I don't know why but because of my crazy schedule with school, swimming, and work I have gotten so used to be busy 7 days a week, mostly working evenings and weekends (naturally). So when I transitioned to working in my career as a nurse it actually allowed more space in my life to do what I want - and I don't always know what I am supposed to do with my time. (I only have to work every OTHER weekend?!). So all habits die hard and I find myself picking up shifts at the hospital, as well as still picking up shifts at my pool I've worked at since 17 teaching swimming lessons or lifeguarding. I don't know if there's a "cure", but I do know my family and boyfriend would appreciate it if I did only work what I "had" to work, and not what I keep signing up for.

Who knows what's next for the busy bee!

 (left photo taken prior to my first interview for my current job, right prior to an evening shift!)